MS's life and 爱自己的承诺．

Ward round Day with Colo-rectal surgeon.
Standing for exactly 2 hours. the shortest standing hour for past one week.Really.
Everyone are trying to move their stiff bodies whenever the Dr received phone call.Crackling sound can be heard.
Then visit patient to perform PE.
As we know we suppose to check for genitalia part for abdomen PE.
Seriously, i thought Dr will simply skipped this part.
But..NOPE. I can see the blushing face of my Malay girl batchmates, epecially the one who standing next to patient.
She tried so hard to stare to distance. Maybe the 'exposed part' come too sudden.
Well, i am pretty enjoy this chance.
I even hope that he is kind enough to show us rectal examination despite the soreness on my calf.
Halfway through the PE, one of the HO which is also our senior, come in with gloved hand full with yellowish watery, foul-smelling stool.
The smell fill the air in a quick sudden. We tried to endure with it.
She just trying to show to the surgeon what the stool look like.And figure out the diagnosis.
I guess she just perform rectal examination.
I can see how watery the stool..it will just simply flow through the slit of fingers.WOW
its almost lunch hour that time, i am wondering whether she still have the appetite to eat any yellowish food later. Maybe early satiation come that time.
I guess we should adapted to those kind of situation sooner or later.
Any excretion of patients can be a clue to lead to diagnosis.Should appreciate it.
The surgeon taught precisely, especially the colorectal part. His expertise.
I was so sleepy.HAHA.
then heading for lunch and listening to guys who complaint about the room shifting issue.
Pity them..stupid authorities.
And then, take a 15 minutes nap and head to ward again.
Clerking patient.
Our fourth patient in one ward and also some simple PE.
However, the symptoms show by auntie are incomprehensible. Maybe we are lack of knowledge.
It's just hard to explain with the diagnosis done by Dr when i read through the case file.
hmmm..interesting.
The day before yesterday, i was taking history with a paralysis uncle with cantonese.
LOL...so happy to know that he can understand what i am talking about.
Need more improvement though.
Really! it's already evening when i actually reach room.
Exhausted. leg sore. but satisfied. Of cause the next activity is SLEEP.

Really start to fall in love with such life.MS.Not Dr.=)

Suffocated to endure the pain. HOW LONG IT GONNA HEAL? haiz.
i am tired to endure pain.
Totally loss emotional control yesterday nite on bed.
How many times it can happen again?
i dont want to cry for worthlessness. i am hurting myself.
Please..someone save me.sigh.
I will never easily trust a guy again. this is what i told myself.
Not that i dont see the reason sensibly.
How many scolding from people?
But how they know how hard to put it down? how they know?
How they know the wound doesnt heal but keep ooozing blood?
All they know is asking me to forget.

How he know what i have endure for a long distance relationship for a girl's point?
How he know?
I can emo many times but not giving up.
And all you can do is tense up and leave.How could you.
Maybe all you think i am insensible.
VERY. How could you be sensible when it hurt so deep?
If it is you who get hurt, what do you feel...
Finally, i feel tiredness. No more struggling.
No more. So much tired to fight alone.
I am be brave. i must.
I am sure you will find you make a wrong decision one day.
To lose the person who love you and you love.
Dont stay with the person you can live with, stay with who you cant live without.
But i have to go. i am tired of being hurted with coldness.
Poeple are telling me I did nothing wrong.
Everytime i feel so dissapointed and sad when recall the break up reason.
Again, i am wrong, but you really think you did nothing wrong.
I wonder have him ever talk to his friend what he did to me, and the reason..and seek advice from other.
I am wondering. OR he just think what he did was right.All the way.
I am so tired. so hurt. every night the memories haunted me.
I am dying. Seriously.
So suffocated. SIGH.
I dont know person changed and changes make them left the loved one and seek for better one.
Why stay for the old one? no reason. He need a better one and i will be haunted by the hurt all the time. All the time.
I am not emphasize my sadness by pointing out how happy you are.
You never know how hurt it is. Dont ever tell me you know, you not even seeing me.

A dumped girl who is so tired.
Tired of recalling the memories.
Tired of waiting for return.
Tired of trying. because still i am still the proactive one.
I am exhausted.
If i know it will be such hurtings, i wont struggling to know so much reason behind.
i will simply let you go with your reasons.
If we have chance, i doubt. obviously, you want a new life.
I am past.

I dont understand you,
what you want?
Or maybe you dunno.
You want a chance? You dun want?
If you have decided to leave me, please dont left trace.
If you cnt, please talk properly to me.

I hope to keep everything of this in my own mind.
But it's wrong, you need to express the feeling and the thought to relieve pain.
I am in pain. Chronic pain. I dun want it turn to a incurable one.

Anti- such a sad night.
When i am deciding to leave the person who you still care about.
Decision can be so hard to make.
在爱情里女人虽然傻，但是她不会傻傻一直等你的爱，爱是包容，是一起度过一切.

这爱情开始得很珍惜，结束得很可惜。为什么就不能好好经营？

你说，谈恋爱就是要没有压力.如果未来的日子，你找到更适合的，能让你更开心的，我也替你高兴。毕竟，我相信我带给你的只有压力，没有快乐，不是吗？那不是你一直再强调的吗？为什么你只看得见你的压力？那我呢？不是应该互相体谅？不是这样吗？不是一起成长？不是这样吗？

Clenched the teeth, i will make it!! Dont scare.

感觉自己好可笑，一直在写一些很情绪化的文字，丢脸。
可是藏在心里，会更难受，不是吗？
其实我真的很累了，不会再写关于感情事。
再多的伤心也换不回你要走的决心，再多的建议，你也没信心，我何苦为难自己？
我要改，你也要改，
要努力就一起，不要，就放弃吧。
虽然一直都没想过期权，可是，队友不再肩并肩时，一个人能吗？
不要为难自己。让自己快乐一点，
我只想为我自己说说话，我从来都不是高傲和难相处的人，
但却却实实是慢热的人，心急的你竟然无法等，那就走吧。
我们不是不适合？可是我们有足够的时间去相处吗？
是相处...你又知道什么是相处吗？
希望你不要再伤害下个女生，告诉她，性格不合，相处不好，如果，你根本不能给时间，如果你也付不起责任。你知道吗？一个妻子能和丈夫的家人相处好，是丈夫和妻子的努力，不是妻子一个人，如果你一直觉得讨好自己的家人，只是另一半的责任，那，我很清楚的告诉你，你错了，一直认为我很情绪化，自己呢？你说的，take a mirror and look for yourself before you talk people. 分手那天的头头是道，你又没有自己反省？我是有错， 全是我错？如果你不能看清这一点，很抱歉，你的每一任女友都可能很痛苦。当然，如果我也必须改变。因为这是两个人的错，不要那么的头头是道。

爱情，就是两个的事。每个小细节都有责任。另一伴也就是另一方家庭的桥梁。没有他，她要怎么垮得过那条河？ 成长吧。都在学习啊。真的觉得我没努力吗？，可能真的不够，那你也太小看我了。时间是关键。朋友说，我没有错，不许要刻意讨好你的家人。但没能建立起良好的关系也是我的遗憾，也是我的弱点，爱其实就是要接受双方的弱点。为什么我能？你不能？你就没有缺点需要我包容吗？那么多年，真的就只有你在包容我吗？你没问题吧？不是要一起努力？不是这样吗？我没像你一样说出来，你就要忽视这一点吗？你没问题吧？我们都在包容，我觉得爱一个人，你才会那么做。当然，有些事要说出来改进，那就是努力。性格不合？你真的那么认为吗？我们会和身边的友人如此友好，难道每个性格都一样嘛？我们也在包容朋友不是吗？在努力了解，不是吗？你有没有问题啊？你确定你的理智？我也很确定我所说的不是没有道理？我可能不聪明，但我不傻。我可能不可爱，但我是善良的。我可能不漂亮，但爱情走到了苍老凄凄，是外表维持的吗？我可能不能一下子融入，但我会努力。你对自己的看法就那么坚持吗？都对吗？

其实经过这件事，我开始怀疑，我对爱情的诠释，不是一起努力，一起包容？不是这样吗？一起发掘一样的爱好，开始爱上她爱看的节目，开始爱上他谈话的方式？我错了吗？我会理智的离开一个，没有办法和我一起为爱情努力的人。这就是我给自己的承诺。一个爱自己的承诺。＝）