Mentally sick..

Hye ya people..kinda boring at here.
The streamyx damn lag, so i just shift myself from PPS to here.
Totally no idea when the fluctuation of mood gonna end.
i am suffering.SIGH.
i cannot sleep myself every nights.
Seriously,i never experience all of this before.
I can have 3 dreams in one night.
I even doubts that whether i really slept myself.
Dreams...non-stop. I should have make an appointment with psychologist/ counselor.
I know this is abnormal according to my limited medical knowledge.
Basically, i look like zombie right now. I got a big big dark eye circle.With pyjamas all the time and uncombed hair.
I am so much tired yet i cnt sleep well.
Someone can just punch me and make me PENGSAN.i will appreciate it.
Imagine 2 weeks of sleepless nights. i really wanna ki siao oredi. Well..i am on the edge.
Yet..still to need to smile to family each day or else they really will bring me to bomoh.
when the night falls, the emotion just flow out like a unlocked tap water.
The DEvil and Angel appears at the same time.
When the thoughts get deviated to evil's side..
i start to wonder whether he is just playing with the relationship.
When he feel the duty become unbearable, he tensed up, he gone, vanished.
I never know the reason because he said he made the choice after think of it.
I never know.
He is leaving for a better one. Am i so suck??
Yes..i guess so.
When positive thought come across.....
I find myself searching for any excuses to defence him ,to forgive him.
When the thinking are all about him, i start to blame myself for not loving myself.
Every single nights, i have been tortured with different thoughts.
The cycle keeps going on.
Even with the toughest time which i have to take care of my family for the tragedy and during nights..i have to take care of myself.
Even when browsing through the FB, i am so upset why my life so sucks.
People just so happy with their vacation...and i am all alone with all these mess.
I wanna shout out for UNFAIR!!
Life never treat me good since i was a small girl.
I face every sorrow nights.
I am cool to people because life never show me good way.
When i grown up, i learn to forgive. i learn to keep everything to myself and forgive people.
I learn to look everything into bright sites. I learn to live by my own.
This time, i will just let the emotion flow out.
And again, i will stand up and face the sunshine again.
You will never knock me down.But..i need time. For letting the wound to turn up into scar.
This is totally a mentally trauma.
I am sick, not in the physical way.
I know it. No idea how to encounter it.
From this time onset, i will live by my own. Stand for my own.
SIGH. i am tortured by the wound.
I fake my smile everyday.
And..i am not singing for almost two weeks. i lost the passion during this despair time.
Please....i want myself to come back.
Stop torture yourself for the unworthy one.
I want sleep.If the i still cant sleep well for the continuous weeks.
I will take sleeping pills. FXXX!!!

For those who feel so disgust to read my emo post..you are mostly unwelcome here.For those who just come to see me suffering, i curse..you will be suffering one day too. I am just wanna gasping some air here and let the emotion to outflow.Please dont insult me. nd i am not begging for your sympathies.