The mental war

Went shopping and got fun in fitting room.

Life become so much stressful since this very first week of O&G posting. I feel so suffocated.
I wonder how to cover medicine, surgery, Paeds, O&G, PCM and all piling high SPM notes.
I can feel the stress hormone shooting high 9 weeks even  before final exam.

Everyday need to wake up at 7am and ward round for 4 hours.
I am not complaint of long-standing hours but sometimes you can hardly focus after two hours plus legs sore.
And end up getting really tired everyday.Still, you have so much to read. SO MUCH.

Searching an abroad medical school for clinical elective project is not as easy as I thought.
Trying for almost 20 universities oversea, still, I havent receive any good news.
Just realise how terrible to study in Malaysia, even in the highest ranking of U in Malaysia, still you are not allow to conduct elective programme in Taiwan.
They are welcoming Singapore student, but not Malaysian student.HOW SAD. HOW STRESS.
Keep trying, I hope there will be good news from Peking U or Thai U or Aus U.
ARRGGGGHH.

Yah.One of my friend told me, I look pale and become thinner.
YEAH. I have to admit it.
I have hair fall, hardly can get a good sleep,wake up every morning i feel extremely tired.
I study and feel like I can never finish it.
I think I am still not yet reach the level which I can pass the exam.
It's scary. Medicine is scary.
I know why there are medical students who attempt to kill themselves.
I know the feeling.
I am getting blur and confuse when my stress hormone was shooting high.
Even get wrong between KFC and McD.
I'm doubting whether I am capable to become a DR.
Too hard.Too much.
I dont know how far I can go.

So tired. So stress.So sad.
Yet,suppress the sad feelings and some personal emotion.Keep telling myself to focus on study.
Making myself tired every day maybe just a way to get rid the sadness.

I think I will eventually break down.HELP ME.

P/S: you never know, it's your leaving that causes some much painful. So pain. I cant breathe.Just be rational, I am just a fool, I've to admit it.




KEEP GOING!!!!!