To my dearest late uncle

   It was a bonus weekend. Class was canceled and we are all free to flee home or wherever we want to. I was thrilled-to-jump state when it was announced. Best news ever. I have longing for home after one months hectic plus stressful life. I need to take a breath.

  As usual, we reached home around 11pm which is after 5 hours of journey. Fetched by papa and TYY =) with papa's new toy. Bad news came in the middle of the night. I was awakening by papa and told me to go mama's room and slept with TYY because mama was out. Puzzled. Why mama was out at this wee hour? Only one sentence from papa, uncle has passed away ='[ I could not fall asleep while waiting for mama to come back.When she was eventually back, i was told that, our uncle has passed away in IJN due to cardiac arrest. We all open our eyes widely until sun rise to get ready for uncle to come back home.

  Uncle was found to have coronary artery syndrome around one and half year back. From what i remembered, he presented with shortness of breathe and chest pain. Coronary artery bypass was done around one year back in Hosp Kuantan. And, when i visited him, I flicked the case note while nurses were not around. Three coronary arteries blocked and only two were fixed. That's all i managed to peek before the nurses yelled at me. Since then, he started to develop heart failure symptoms which he has decrease effort tolerance and worsening shortness of breathe. He was on fluid restriction, frusemide and spiro. In and Out KK Rompin to get Oxygen supply. Always pitting oedema up to ankle level. The last time i saw him, it was at his house, he slept with three pillows. According to what I have been told, he has coma for days, woke up and developed cardiac arrest, failed resuscitation.

  Mummy and I had a busy day since 6am. We bought the all the stuff that need for funeral, fetched our cousins who rushed back from different states and so on. Uncle finally arrived home. Mummy was first rushed to the coffin. And then I heard nothing but shouting and crying. She nearly fainted. Ya, mummy's parent divorced early when she was still a kid. She brought up by my grandfather's siblings which include my late uncle and his sister. Mummy was close to them. He plays a role as her father since then. I know how sad it would be for mum. The sorrowfulness that could not simply express by neither crying nor shouting. Uncle was very sayang his cucu like us. I remembered he used to fetch me back forth from PLKN, matrix and UM whenever my dad was busy with his business.He has good humor and never failed to cheer us up. He liked to tell old times stories whenever we, cucu sit around him. I actually felt very thankful for him. He was always so helpful.

  On this Father's day, we buried him under the ground together with his ancestors.Last glanced of him before he become memory in our heart.With a fistful of soil we threw onto the coffin, we bid our last goodbye. All the memories just flushed back. He was there giving angpau in every Chinese New Year. We played Tanglung in his house every years. He ajak us breakfast and went over his house for dinner whenever he back from a fruitful sea trip. He drove all the way from Pahang to Johore whenever I complaint of homesick. May him find peace in heaven. 

 I just cant believe he is not longer here with us ='[ It was just so unreal.

 It was another funeral I attended after Silent Mentor sending off ceremony. Too much to bear with the feeling of losing someone who has been there with you for years. Aunt ( wife of my late uncle) and uncle was not really into a good relationship. They always had fight and war. But today, when their sons were moving uncle to the burial ground, aunt suddenly stormed out from home and cuddled the coffin. She cried hysterically. We were all broke down in tears. Of course, of course, no matter how much they have hurt-ed each other  before,no matter how many unpleasant words being used in every fights, he is still the only one who has accompany her throughout everything. I guess, lots of memories must has playing in her mind. His children were too broke down before sending off their father,

 Every father is hero in every children's heart. No matter how old father has become, how strong we grow.有爸爸就是有一份安全感。因为我们知道爸爸是我们永远的靠山。

  I always reflect myself whether I am a good daughter for my father. I hope I am. Make him always proud of me.

 Byebye 叔公。你一路好走。谢谢你。

 叔公的最后一面一直在脑海浮现，人生就是这样。为什么大家不能一直开开心心在一起。为什么一个活生生的人会躺在棺木里一动也不动。Can everyone that I love just dont leave me.

='[

 Feel so homesick now, just feel like flying back home and sit beside papa and mama.